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Billie Eilish Says She “Never Felt Truly Like a Woman”

Billie Eilish is grateful to be a woman—but that wasn’t always the case.

The seven-time Grammy winner reflected on her feelings about her gender identity while giving a tearful speech at Variety‘s Power of Women event in Los Angeles.

“It’s really hard to be a woman out here guys,” Billie said at the Nov. 16 event, presented by Lifetime. “I have never felt truly like a woman. And I’ve spent a lot of my life not feeling like I fit in to being a woman.”

She didn’t know what she was made for. “For a couple years, because of that insecurity, I became almost like very ‘pick me’ about it and I’d be like, ‘Well, I’m not like other girls ’cause I don’t do this and this,'” the 21-year-old continued, “and I’ve grown to be very resentful of that period of time because I’m so much more interested in being like other girls, because other girls are f–king tight and I love women.”